Note from the editor: Forgiveness is the intentional, voluntary process of releasing resentment, anger, and vengeful impulses toward someone who has wronged you. It is a deeply personal internal transformation that focuses on freeing yourself from the emotional burden of past trauma, rather than changing the external consequences for the offender.]
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It is not easy to forgive someone, especially when the person is in the wrong and yet refuses to apologize or offers a half-hearted apology. However, if a person who is wronged tries to understand the other’s perspective and tries to get over it, they hurt themselves less. In an incident that happened a few years ago, the son came home to see his father being beaten up, and he passed away before the son could do anything. The son was shocked to learn that his mother had hired someone to do it. The mother was sentenced to death, and the son grew up hating his mother for having stolen his childhood and his father. The mother was repentant and tried to reach out to her son. “Through amazing life transformations, the way was paved for them to get released from the ‘prison of unforgiveness.’” The enlightened son said, “She is my mother. I am her son.…There is no justice in giving her a life sentence.
There is no justice in denying the healing power of forgiveness. There is freedom in knowing God and in knowing that you are forgiven, and you are redeemed.” Psychologist Robert Enright, the founder of the International Forgiveness Institute, suggests that the first step is to accept the situation, and the next step is to decide to forgive, because a way forward will emerge only through forgiving. “When you try to place yourself in the other person’s shoes, you may view the whole situation in a different light and something will open up for you, making it easy for you to forgive the person and move on.” (Bhavan’s Journal, July 16-31, 2026)
We are asked to “forgive and largely forget.” If we are able to forget, then the question of forgiving does not arise. A French proverb says: “To understand is to forgive.” If we have taken care to understand the experience with all its implications, i.e., what caused it, what was the lesson to be learned, what in our nature needs changing, etc., then there results conscious acceptance.
What is the lesson we can learn? Those particular incidents, which leave a deep impact or rather scar on our being, are indicators that we have not learned to cope with problems in those areas—because all those traumatic experiences, which we describe as unforgettable and which we are unable to face without being shaken, others may be able to
face without much perturbation. We are especially vulnerable in some parts of our psychological make-up, and that may well be the result of similar experiences in the past.
We need to cultivate detachment. The more impersonal we are, the easier it is to forgive and forget. A lot depends upon our understanding of who we are. When we associate “I” with the body, ideas, or feelings, we tend to become most vulnerable. We have to be able to take an objective position. Rape can leave lifetime trauma, but we know that we are not the body. We tend to wallow in self-pity instead of facing the facts. Now that it has happened, what can I do? As shown in a movie, a woman who was a victim of rape decided to give birth to the child and then groomed him to be a musician. Thus, we can use that very experience constructively to get over the trauma. “Forgetfulness of the personal self and sincere altruism” is H.P.B.’s remedy for all woes. There is a prayer: “Teach me to feel another’s woe, to hide the fault I see; the mercy I to others show, that mercy show to me.”
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This article also appeared in The Theosophical Movement. For more articles published in this excellent magazine follow this link: https://www.ultindia.org/magazines/tm.html
